


Bring Your Pet to Work Day and other assorted bouts of craziness

by Notoyax17



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Mini fics, Story ideas for grabs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 18:48:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2592368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notoyax17/pseuds/Notoyax17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Assorted fanfiction shorts that don't particularly go anywhere else. Basically ideas that I started on but lacked the motivation to write full fics for.</p><p>Each chapter works as a stand alone and can be borrowed/referenced/etc for your own story as long as you let me know first so that I can link it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bring Your Pet to Work Day and other assorted bouts of craziness

**Author's Note:**

> The idea behind this was that both Aunt May died (likely a car accident, but anything really) within a couple months of Ben's death, leaving Peter orphaned. Fury, who knew Peter's parents and also generally wanted to keep an eye on Spider-Man in general, makes Phil his temporary guardian for the year or so between those deaths and the day Peter'll turn 18.
> 
> Because, hey, he can manage the Avengers, how bad can a teenager be?
> 
> Aside from getting blood on EVERYTHING (even his DVDs somehow), not bad really. 
> 
> Peter develops a habit of falling asleep on Phil (because he's seriously freaking comfortable and always happens to be up and sitting on the couch when Peter stumbles home and passes out on the couch without checking to make sure there's no one on it first) and they joke about Peter being his cat.

Despite his relatively calming, high school principal-like appearance, Phil Coulson was known, uniformly, to be a frightening man.

 

Admittedly, a great deal of that fear could to be attributed to hype and rumor.

 

After all, rumor had it that Phil Coulson may well be an android, funded and created by Howard Stark. The fact that he seemed to live and breathe for his life at SHIELD led credence to this. No junior agent could remember ever having seen the man look tired or rumpled and if any senior agent had ever witnessed such an event, they weren’t talking.

 

The only part of Coulson that had ever been publically rumpled was his suit. Once. As a result of an _explosion._

 

Rumor had it that Coulson had once felled a man with nothing more than a single fingernail clipping. That he’d incapacitated another man with just one arm while blinded!

 

Though, to be far, considering the prowess of some of the other senior agents, maybe this was just par the course. Maybe it was all plausible. After all, this was the man that had supposedly tamed Hawkeye. The man under whose watch the infamous Black Widow was recruited to SHIELD. Together, the three of them formed a strike team with the highest success rate since the Howling Commandos.

 

Phil Coulson was an undeniably frightening man. Which made that day all the more alarming for the various agents of SHIELD. Because rumors were one thing. Rumors could be ignored and swept under a rug.

 

Proof cannot be unseen.

 

 

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Maria Hill narrowed her eyes slowly, her gun already drawn and the safety clicked off with alarming efficiency.

 

The man (person, thing?) before her tilted his head curiously. His fingers, long and nearly bone thin, were wrapped around what looked to be a half unwrapped peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The sandwich was mere centimeters from his lips, the only part of his face that was visible, when he paused. He stared at her, down at the sandwich and back at her again.

 

“Eating lunch?” he offered. Which he certainly was. The red, blue and black clad person was definitely eating lunch. In the middle of a 97th floor admin hallway. In the Triskellion. Upside down on the _fucking ceiling_.

 

As if reading her mind, the spider rewrapped his sandwich and clasped it with his hands drawn behind his back. He shifted slowly to bring himself up onto his toes and began to rock back and forth slight. The picture of creepy spider innocence.

 

Maria’s expression remained unmoving as she barely resisted the urge to growl at him. “What are you doing _here_?” she amended.

 

“Uh…it’s bring your pet to work day.”

 

This too was technically true. Every third Friday in January, baring extreme circumstances was indeed bring your pet to work day. It was seen as a way to boost morale and help people forget that just how few of them could or did actually have children that they could consider bringing in. That said, that statement did nothing to help Spider-Man’s presence here make sense.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Oh! Oh, I’m Phil’s, uh… Coulson’s pet,” he added. That earned him a visible twitch.

 

The rest of the hallway’s occupants were more than a touch stunned. Up until the moment Hill had confronted him, they had quite reasonably assumed that the man had been called in for one reason or another. He had been casual, if not confident, in his actions up to that point, clearly knowing his way around.

 

Which, in hindsight, was quite alarming in itself.

 

Those that had been the least bit wary from the beginning of the conversation felt assured in the deputy director’s ability to head off this break in before any alarms even needed to be sounded. Some had even started placing bets.

 

But now….now they were all united in the horror. Many were left rooted where they stood, minds either completely broken by the revelation, unable to process the idea that one of their bosses was…keeping Spider-Man as his pet, or were mentally running themselves haggard trying to make sense of it. This piece of unfortunately-NOT-gossip was crazier than all of the other rumors combined.

 

What did _that_ say about the validity of _those_ rumors?

 

Hill forced a slow calming breath out through her nose as she blinked slowly. “Come with me,” she ordered.

 

When the spider moved to start walking, still on the damn ceiling, she let out a low irritated sound. **“ _Down.”_**

 

Peter paused, unsure as to whether he wanted to respond to that type of command, because _no,_ but quickly obeyed. The last thing he wanted was to get Phil in trouble with someone who could well be his boss.

 

He released his hold on the ceiling and dropped down, landing on his feet with ease. He moved to stand at her side, just behind her but still well within her peripheral vision.

 

Hill led them to an elevator and up a dozen and a half floors before taking him down a long, alarmingly nondescript hallway. Just as he’d decided that she was probably going to attempt to murder him in a room that no doubt had a human sized shredder, she stopped before a large gray door.

 

Hill knocked once before she opened the door without waiting for an actual response.

 

Nick Fury was at his desk, pouring over a set of files while Jasper Sitwell orally supplied details that would be added to the more secure files later. Both men looked up at the intrusion and had the decency to not look incredibly weirded out by their “guest.”

 

Fury narrowed his good eye as he glanced from Hill to Parker. The teen offered him a wave of the fingers. Fury blinked hard and sighed, resisting the increasing urge to massage his brow.

 

“What is he doing here?”

 

“Apparently, he’s Coulson’s _pet.”_

 

Fury stared at the teen and raised an eyebrow.

 

“The amazing human-spider-cat?” Peter offered with a shrug.

 

Sitwell snorted. “Leave it to Phil to get something so exotic,” he said as he gathered up the field reports and files. He crossed the room and paused before Peter. He tilted his head in thought for a moment before he reached up and placed a hand lightly on the teen’s head with a pat. Peter leaned into the touch and let out a little chirrup, startling the three senior agents. Sitwell let out a huff of a laugh and grinned widely at Spider-Man as he left.

 

Hill rolled his eyes at them and turned back to the director. “Did you know about this?”

 

Fury’s eye narrowed and he steeple his fingers. “I _may have_ given Spider-Man to Coulson to look after for a little while and I _may have_ likened it to having a particularly low maintenance pet, but NO, I did NOT know about this nonsense,” he deadpanned, making an irritated hand wave in Peter’s direction.

 

“Bastard took that shit literally.”


End file.
